I will start with what A from Mumbai wrote to me, “…if you so choose to publish it, I’d like to be anonymous please? For the obvious and the only reason that it’s not yet entirely safe for people to love whoever they want.”

Day 56 of 100 Indian Tinder Tales

“”So I don’t know how appropriate it would be to post a story about two guys but I hope to say it nonetheless. Here goes.

Let’s call him A1 because he was the best and because we both share the same initials so it’s easier to identify. It was at a friend’s birthday party that I met him and felt captivated by him at the first sight. He was ridiculously handsome and his half-cocked smile was enough to make anyone go weak in the knees. My friend introduced us to each other and after awkward pleasantries, we moved on. I always feel awkward at parties so I found a corner and began to fiddle on my phone so I could seem busy and this distant when really, I was on Tinder. I was swiping guys when A1’s profile came up and I swiped right. Nothing happened.

A few days later, I was at work when my phone buzzed but I was in a meeting so I ignored it but as I got in my car at the end of the day, I checked my phone and A1 had matched with me. With a sense of trepidation, I sent him a ‘hey, how are you?’ He replied back when I had halfway reached my house. He said he remembered me and wondered if we could meet. We decided on a place and an hour later I was waiting for him, my heart palpitating with anxiety. He came in, wearing his half-cocked smile, we shook hands and sat down facing each other. It was then I realised that I was having a panic attack and I tried my best to cover it up but I was fidgety, breathing hard and every word I uttered seemed like an insult.

Everything seemed to be going down the shitter and then he asked if everything was alright. I confessed that I was having a panic attack. He gathered my stuff and we left from the restaurant. Being outside felt good and the walk distracted me from my anxiety. The fact that we were not in a room where people could overhear our conversation was a great weight off our shoulders and we talked for a long while.

We dated for nearly a year and in that time, everything felt good. I was not being harangued by my depression or anxiety as before. Obviously we couldn’t say ‘I love you’ in company of other people so we came up with a code where we would bang the table or any surface to the beats of “We will rock you” and it became an important sound for us. We had one year together, but it was a good year. We had to break up though because he wouldn’t stand up to his parents when they insisted he get married.”

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