Day 60 of 100 Indian Tinder Tales
S shares her Tinder experiments in France
“A glorious night was spent with a handsome man who I’d met on Tinder, a couple of weeks ago. About 8 years older, he was clearly experienced and extremely smooth in his seduction skills. Teehee! Obviously it was fun for me, a night of many firsts, with someone who clearly knew what he was doing. I couldn’t stop looking at his mesmerising green eyes all night (thereby not even allowing the fatigued soul to sleep), but more than that, what was sexier was his compliance with my one condition that we don’t have sex, as I didn’t feel ready for it and also had concerns about accidentally getting pregnant in a foreign land and dealing with messy consequences later, namely this not being covered by my insurance, haha! It was raw, giggly, sexy, charming, crazy, unique and an unforgettable experience for many reasons. Also, after countless men standing me up on Tinder, a guy who was passing through different cities in the country, but coming back all the way from another just to meet me, made the experience so special. And who believed in consent. Clearly the bar had been set high for the others to follow.
Now it so happened that another man the same age, though geographically more than a 100km away, also showed similar enthusiasm to meet. A waiter by day and a musician by night, he seemed edgy, sexy and raw, but we got along more due to our interest in music more than anything else. Well, this guy was infrequent in his messaging, and it didn’t help much that his English was as bad as my French. Clearly there were lapses in communication. Anyway, he suddenly messages me one day saying he would like to know me and meet me. To cut a long story short, this is how it goes:
Me: Okay, sure. You’re free to come over anytime you want. We could have a jam session too! Wouldn’t that be great? It’s fun getting to know new people. What’s fun for you?
Him: Yes! I’d love that. I find you spiritual…..*(huh?!)*. I’m a passionate guy, so I like to live the moment entirely! I like to jam to seduce to dance to use drugs to play games and sport but one of the most important things in my life is my sex research! I’d love to know everything about it…. Sorry to be that honest…
Me: (to myself) Umm what? Sex research? Do I sense an academic side? Okay, good for him!
(to him) I see…. Maybe not the answer I was looking for, but you’re entitled to your own opinion
Some days pass. Then he resurfaces. Asks for clarification. Clarifications given. Tons of lost in translation shit happening all around. Plans to meet are made again. He is super excited as ever. Obviously after being told ‘sex research’ and seeing present levels of enthusiasm, I feel it necessary to get the cards on the table straight.
Me: You could come over, we could hang out, maybe even catch dinner at my place. However, I must ask an honest question. Would you still want to come over if I said I didn’t want to do anything (read: sex)?
Him: Honestly, it would be crippling but I know myself and even if you are not really into it I would try to seduce you! Honest question do you have a sex life? How is it?
Me: *bristles* I know myself too, and I would not agree Also, you will not get an answer to the second question!
Him: You would not agree to be seduced?
Me: I would just not agree to sex.
Him: Why wouldn’t you just tell!?
Me: *wtf is going on!!* Is this acceptable to you? No funny business, okay?
Him: Just so I know, is there possibility that we just let Things happen? Cause I don’t like to be unchained to a program
Me: What are “things”? Please explain? No sex, okay? Can we agree on that?
(Checkmate situation ensues.)
Him: I feel the same way you’d feel if I said “sex okay?” You see what I mean? I feel imprisoned!
Me: So basically, you won’t meet if I said no to sex on the first meeting.
And here’s where it gets interesting:
Him: I think so…. Not that I don’t want to meet ..There is just no sex! Just that it feels unnatural to me to do program what I have the right to do or not!
Me: (clearly pissed off now) You don’t have the right to expect sex with every person you choose to meet. But anyway, if that’s what you want, then I don’t think there’s much point in continuing this any further.
Him: I do dear no worries but yes I have the right to expect as well as you have the right to refuse
WAIT, DAFUQ DID I JUST READ?
Needless to say, a huge sermon was delivered on a platter to the waiter (pun intended) on consent, after that, and conversation ended there. His logic made no sense whatsoever, even being similar to what drives rape culture, this sense of male entitlement and right to force a woman into sex.
On a lighter side, am I allowed to say after this experience, that I found Mr. Right? Perhaps, just that I can think of him now as Mr. Right (to Expect), instead! “