Day 94 of 100 Indian Tinder Tales
Inspiration : Danae by Gustav Klimt meets mehendi patterns
J from Copenhagen sends her story.

“Back home in Germany I never used Tinder. Living in a rather small town I found it embarrassing to potentially have a match with someone I already know and the rumours of me looking for men on Tinder spreading afterwards.

In India, however, these risks seemed to be quite small and being in Bangalore only for a few months it seemed an easy way to meet new people. So, on another boring Friday night at home I rather spontaneously decided to give the app and the Indian men a try. I had a match with him that very night. I took it as a good sign that he had a photo in Berlin, it made me feel secure for some reason. Although we didn’t text much the next few days and I had to cancel every meeting because of work, he was the first guy from Tinder I met in real life.

One weekend I had to call off a planned trip and he took the chance to ask me out again. Not having had a date for quite a while and especially never with a stranger I was a bit nervous. But in hindsight, this was totally unnecessary. It just clicked between us immediately. Basically, it was the best first date I’ve ever had.

The romantic atmosphere of a rooftop bar, easy-flowing conversation, laughter and dancing… we just had a really good time. Having read about how to behave as a foreigner in India especially when it comes to dating Indian men and showing affection in public I was torn between wanting him to kiss me or keep up the etiquette and, most of all, not representing the typical stereotype of the sex-hungry European a lot of Indians seem to have. He really wasn’t great help in solving my inner fight. Not caring about etiquette, he made me forget about all the other people around us and to let go. All in all, our behaviour was probably not adequate for a Indian rooftop bar and for me the chances of being asked to leave by the staff were high the whole night. I had to be strong to not ask him in when he dropped me home. It was already more than just sex for me. And apparently he felt the same.

The same night he asked me out on another date just two days afterwards and again we had a romantic dinner at another rooftop bar. From then on we saw each other every second day and rooftop bars all over the city became our favourite places. And as I felt it was no longer only about sex, I was ready for some sex. Astonishingly, with all the prejudices and stereotypes about India and Europe in mind, he was still more experienced that I was. Though we had our problems, different understandings of sex e.g. the importance of foreplay and not everything ran smoothly all the time, it never became awkward and we could simply laugh about it. Over the next two months it became way more than just dating and sex, it felt like a relationship and maybe even true love. Knowing that my time in India would come to an end very soon, left me in a storm of emotions. While I fell more and more for him every day and wanted to enjoy the time left with him, my sorrows about how this would go on once I leave India and how he felt about us were breaking my heart.

To make the most of our time left we decided to go on a weekend trip together. It was a great weekend; it was a boyfriend-and-girlfriend weekend. Riding on a scooter along the coast, relaxing at beautiful beaches, enjoying dinners and each other’s company. It gave me a glimpse of what our future might have looked like if I just could have stayed longer in India. That weekend he told me the first time that he loves me, which was probably the most beautiful and the most horrible words I had heard in a long time. Hearing that he loves me, made me feel even worse and with me crying so many times out of the blue, I guess I was not really great company in the end.

Flying back to Germany the next week, left me in a horrible state. Thinking rationally, I knew that not everything was perfect in the last months between us and that we couldn’t deal with a long-distance relationship, especially since we both had no idea how, when and where we could meet again. But I missed him and would have probably given it a try if he had wanted the same. I don’t know if it was just this overromanticized idea of finding love abroad, or if it really was true love, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it and him. I felt deeply betrayed by life, having been alone for so many years and then falling for a guy who lives thousands of kilometres away felt so unfair and made me angry.

We try to keep in touch and speak from time to time on the phone even though we don’t know if we’d ever see each other again. But staying in touch, when both are trying to move on is a bit difficult.

Although I’m already back in Europe for more than two months, I still wonder if we gave up too easily, if he maybe was the one and if he still thinks about me as well and has the same questions in mind. I hope writing down our story, though, this text can only tell a small part of it, helps me to finally stop thinking about these little what-ifs and remember him for the great time we had together in India. After finding someone like him on Tinder, I tried it in Germany recently as well. So far nobody could match him.”

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