Over to S from Bangalore.

“I had never ‘hooked up’ with anyone from Tinder. Actually, I’d never really hooked up with anyone at all. I really wanted to though, to have sex with new people that I could connect with for the while that we had sex, people who weren’t creeps, and then forget about them. But then every time I matched with someone, I would quickly deflect all of their interest, tell myself it was because they weren’t interesting enough, but actually because I never wanted for them to meet me in person and see how fat, short, awkward I am and then lose interest in me. If it was physical pleasures I was looking for, I should at least be physically appealing, right?

I did meet one guy. He was younger, he was funny, and he was blunt. The first time I met him, and we hit it off, he hugged me from behind, wrapped his arms around me, and said, “I love that you’re so round!” He was genuinely delighted by that. I don’t know if it made me happy, but it certainly made me a lot more aware of myself, and that maybe I was not as unattractive as I felt.

The first time we ‘hooked up’ we were together for two whole days and nights. I was most surprised by how attractive he made me feel. The first time we actually slept, we spooned, and he said, feeling me all over with his big hands, “I love all of this, there is so much to work with, so much to love.” That one time, I was very glad to be facing away from him.

The first time we saw each other naked in the day time, I remember sitting with my legs spread, and him sitting and staring, and touching and feeling me, almost fascinated. And then he said, “You have the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen”. I’ve never approved of sexual slang, and still don’t, but no comment from anyone has ever made me blush so much. I had never felt better about my genitals, and the feeling has not lessened since.

At one point, he held one of my breasts in his palm, and said, “these are so heavy, how do you walk around with them all the time?!” while sucking on it. I had started to feel that I could get used to this wonderful, amazement-laced, attention towards my body. To be honest, I had, and still have, always been embarrassed by my big breasts that I couldn’t hide no matter what clothes I wore, or what I did. But that amazement in his voice, and the way he handled them with such fascination, made me appreciate myself and those breasts I called blobs for the first time.

I might not remember him for much in my life, but the one thing that I will remember him for is something he said while we were lazing around. He said, “Isn’t it beautiful to know that someone lusts after you, and your body?” And I have not agreed with anyone more. Yes, that day, knowing that I, my body, could make him lustful, could give him pleasure, could make him want to please me, made me very happy with my body for the first time. I wouldn’t say that I still feel as proud of my body, that would be too big a change. I still have a lot of doubt about myself and the way my body looks, feels, or works. But mostly, I am able to remind myself that my heavy breasts with the big nipples, and my round belly, and my big thighs, and my dark vulva can bring a lot of happiness to someone. And with a lot of experimentation, I have learned something much more important – they can bring me so much pleasure and happiness that no one else, and no other body can.”

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