Inspiration: The Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci
C from Bangalore shares her story.
“I’ve always been the fat girl. Growing up, I’ve had my fair share of issues with my weight. Correction. Everyone and sundry has had issues with my weight and the way I looked, and when you’re an impressionable young girl, that can have an impact. I’ve had to deal with my share of free advice from “well-wishers”, most of whom were very much sailing on the same side of the fatso boat as I was.
I was taught that I was eating all wrong, even though I ate the same things my super skinny sister ate. I’ve been called lazy, just because I love to read. I’ve been called everything from fatty, moti, dummi, and fatso, to some more creative names. I’ve been given “the look” when I asked for a second helping of food. I’ve been told to try crash diets, to join the gym, then been lectured that I obviously wasn’t working hard enough when the scales seemed to show no difference. I’ve been told I shouldn’t be wearing shorts and skirts. Even long ones. I couldn’t wear a saree growing up, because I’d look old.
I’ve overheard discussions about the difficulty my parents would face to find me a groom. The idea of my being able to find one for myself wasn’t even considered because who would willingly want a fat wife? I’ve questioned myself. I’ve spent years trying to forget about how much I love food. Cried myself to sleep on more occasions than I can count.
You know what didn’t help? My own friends telling me that I was sooooo pretty, and would look so hot, if only I lost some weight. Mum controlling how much I ate. Dad telling me he’d pay for the best gym in the neighbourhood, all I had to do was work hard for a year, and all would be right with the world.
What did help? The realisation that fat had nothing to with being ugly and lazy, just like being thin had nothing to do with being beautiful and successful. I think social media helped a lot too! For the first time, I had access to women who were fat, yet so comfortable in their own skins. These women, they flaunted themselves. They wore what they wanted, and they rocked it. Short skirts, even! What also helped was branching out, and meeting new people who had been through the same nonsense. It’s amazing how quickly you can heal when you have people who lift you up, instead of making you feel like shit. And what helped the most, was finding a partner who saw past it all.
I’d like to say that I’m over it now. That I love myself and don’t care one bit about what others think of me. That I don’t let my fat body define me. But, I’m not going to lie. Most days, I’m a smart, confident, young woman doing well at work, in a happy relationship – thinking about getting married, and dreaming about sharing her love for food with the world. But on some days, I still feel like that young girl, staring at her curves in the mirror, and hating every inch of what she sees. “
Induviduality 