Over to young Shy from the US.
“I’ve always been chubby but as I morphed into an adult I didn’t lose the fat., In fact I gained a lot of it. I’m around 90 kgs now and the heaviest I’ve ever been…however, I’ve never felt fat. I look at other people who are big and wonder if they feel like marshmallows or if they feel slow and heavy, but I never have. I’ve always been active and work 7 days a week in a standing / walking environment.
Most of the time, I forget that I’m big until I see a picture someone takes of me.
I don’t know if this is common or not but I don’t even see how big I am in mirrors, only when I see myself through someone else’s eyes. And that’s when I craze begins, I become obsessive about my size and start dieting or stop eating altogether, I’ll drink copious amounts of water with minuscule meals and act like it’s healthy. I look at every girl that is fat and try to figure out if that’s how I look to others, I’m horrified.
This lasts for a week, maybe two, and then I’m back to normal.
I’m comfortable in my own body, my pants are tight sometimes and it takes me some extra momentum to get up, but I feel small, I don’t feel like I’m in others way and I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be any other size.
This body dysmorphia has been running my life for a few years now and I don’t know how to shake it or run away from it, so I avoid taking pictures like the plague.”