“When I was a kid I was never curious about breasts, mine or someone
else’s. I was never even conscious of how they looked on me when I was growing up. It was first brought to my notice when I was maybe 10-11 years old, when an aunty in my building asked my mom, “Arre Bhabhi, aap isse bra nahi pehnaate?” And then I looked down at my chest, my breasts were pressed against the dress, my nipples were showing, I was really embarrassed of the fact that they were bigger than those of other girls. From that day on I started wearing salwar kameezes so that I could cover my breasts with the dupatta.
I never wore a bra till I was 15 because I never liked to restrict them (my breasts). Many a times my friends from school would ask, “Tu bra nahi pehenti?” I never replied. I was embarrassed. Though my breasts were big why didn’t I just wear a bra like other girls? Then I realised that I was just trying to ignore the growth of my breasts, I was trying to ignore the fact that I was not a kid anymore, I was ignoring the changes in my body.
When I was 13, a stranger used to stare at my chest whenever I got out of school, he would whisper something to me when he saw me and press my breasts with his elbow. I knew it was wrong but never had the courage to tell anybody. This happened until I was out of school. This and many other such incidents made me blame it all on my big breasts. I used to curse them, cry to myself whenever I got my breasts pressed by men ‘accidentally’. I hated them so much that I could never look at myself naked . I was in a way scared of them.
At 18, I was once making out with a guy at his terrace and he pressed my breasts so hard that it hurt really bad, I pushed him away and ran home. I cried again blaming my breasts. They made me feel abnormal and different from others, I hated it.
It all changed when I started having sex with an older guy. He made me
realise how beautiful I was, how beautiful my body was and particularly my breasts, he never clawed them like a hungry wild dog like other men did. He held them like they’d break. He loved them and showed them care like they were babies. And being with him made me love my curves and come to terms with my insecurities I was very proud of my big breasts. All the men I have been with since have loved my breasts. Their eyes grow wider every time I unhook my bra. Even my female friends and colleagues appreciate my big breasts and tell me how lucky I am to have such a pair. One of my lovers once said, “I love how you’re so confident and intimidating when you’re naked.” That was very empowering.”