Trigger warning: Child sexual abuse

“I was abused repeatedly by distant family relatives as a child. I was raped when I was 7 for the first time. I don’t even remember how many times I woke up paralyzed with fear that someone’s hand was in my top, fondling my nipples and groping my breasts. I realise now that I struggle to find beauty in my breasts because I associated them with being attacked and violated.

I am a sexual being and yet mostly I clam up at sexual touch. My partners have rarely been able to tell because I’m extremely good at pleasuring my partner and faking my own pleasure. My breasts droop, my nipples aren’t perky. I feel like these aren’t the kind of breasts that are desirable.

But I have stopped being cruel to them now. I look at them and hold them and tell them I love them and that they are beautiful. I have faith that understanding of pleasure will follow the understanding of love.”

Background inspiration: Almond Blossom by Vincent Van Gogh as requested by the person.

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