“Last year, we were in our last year of college and my boyfriend and I moved to Mumbai for four months for an internship. During the first month, I had missed my period. One day, I was standing in front of him, talking to my flatmate when he suddenly looked at my stomach which was bloated and very weirdly bloated. I immediately knew that I needed a test. It didn’t take long for me to become paranoid and booked an appointment with a gynae in Kandivali. After work, we both rushed there. She confirmed I was pregnant but wasn’t sure if the abortion pill would work. She suggested I might need to go through a procedure. Franticly, we rushed to get an ultrasound. On the way, my boyfriend would try to calm me down, only to have me snap at him. He went through it too, but I kept thinking I am the one who was really going through it. I felt anger and sympathy all at once.
Once we reached the ultrasound clinic, they asked me for my Adhaar card. They could see I was nervous and scared.They then asked for my ‘husband’s name’ and changed my surname to his. I was too stressed to react. On entering the ultrasound unit, the male doctor told me I was 2.5 months pregnant while shaking his head.
Tears immediately started rolling down my eyes. My boyfriend was outside waiting anxiously. I quickly wore my pants and ran out to hug him and cried.
When we went back to the gynae, she scolded me at first and then became very polite and understanding. She was a good doctor and very supportive. She said a procedure was needed and that they would need to make me unconscious for a few hours. That terrified me. I was confused, sad, angry and scared all at once!
It was the day of our appointment, a Saturday, our day off. We waited in one of the rooms, where I had already changed into my hospital gown. My boyfriend tried to make me laugh by reading out from a book. He was sweet and very reassuring. I had known him for four years and he knew how to make me laugh.
It was finally time and before I knew it, I was given an anaesthesia. When I opened my eyes, he was looking at me and smiling while I mumbled something. Slowly I got up and we ordered from Subway. I was advised to go easy, he took me home in an auto. The whole time I felt light headed and loopy. He dropped me home with my flatmate, the only other person who knew. We cuddled for a bit and then he left. That’s when it struck me. I had never researched the procedure because I didn’t have the time! Suddenly I was overwhelmed with a surge of emotions which was received well by my flatmate and friend. On the one hand, I was grateful that I was alive and healthy but on the other, I felt empty, as if a part of me had been taken away. I felt like that for a month.
My first period came after a month of the procedure. It came with the most horrendous pain one could experience. It was a Sunday morning, I was at my boyfriend’s flat, and my flatmate was there too. We had been drinking the previous night, I woke up in pain and woke him up and asked him to rub my back, which he did. I just couldn’t take the pain. Trembling, I asked him to dial the doctor. Bless that woman, she asked him to get medicines to ease my pain and to help me with my flow. Within four hours, the pain subsided. It was as if I had gone through the last stage.I would never wish that pain on my worst enemy. I had also finished grieving. The following days were rather light and insightful. I questioned myself about how I really felt about the pain of that loss, the physical pain and the experience. I am scared I will have to go through it again. It has affected my sex life as well. But I am just glad I had the right people by my side and grateful for every moment I have lived without worrying about for my health.”
My Abortion Story is a crowdsourced project in partnership with Mybodymychoiceindia campaign. It hopes to provide a platform for people to share their experiences with abortion in their own words. There is so much discourse around right and wrong but little about people’s experiences. Through My Abortion Story, we are hoping we can address this gap by bringing all kinds of personal narratives to life.